ENDLESS

The skin is raw 

We sat there naked 

trapped in sweat

While the clouds went

On with their lives

Covered in soot 

The old men laughed 

Aumlots trail off 

in sizzles and grunts

Walking into terra incognito 

To be reborn 

I dove head first to stop the bleeding

Salt gathered

Pooled in my navel

Faces glazed

As if made of metallic masks

Pharaohs of an old fire

The poets demand you 

hear their pain

The writers scribble furiously 

To write the future before its made

We gathered to hear the old trees speak 

But death 

Had already arrived

Searching for sunshine 

And orange bursts

Between matted moss

And clay dirt

We sat atop a rock 

To talk about the art 

of his alien planet

Spider veins covered in 

Morning dew drops 

we read them with metal tools unable 

to decipher its omens

I tried to count all the greens and failed 

I was better off 

Counting the stars

Dutch fills the car

The lingua franca is english 

Is it the meeting of madness or

The melting of minds

They opened a bakery 

And served smiles 

And laughs 

With cheap coffee

I was outnumbered here

Without a care in the world. Giving myself 

To the day

The critics came

Susurrations of

Incompleteness and 

some satisfaction

Deflated bark and

Fragile bowls I gathered 

To walk atop a world 

So far from home

Altars were made 

To fall and fell and remaded

Daily

Were the offerings not enough?

Insufficient funds 

Is what it said 

Somewhere, sometime

Remember the pillow forts 

The tunnels covered in 

Greens and yellows 

The gravel crunching under my feet

The endless reflections 

Screeching for stillness

Clouds billowed 

Marooning through pastel blues and soft whites

When is a space sacred?

When the body

Has beared witness to the suffering

of endless love

Why is it easier to 

remember the deep cuts

I wish i could 

Hold memories 

Like ants in amber

To reflect on those

Days of warmth

I saw the ants marching

creating highways withouts engineers

Creating architecture without architects

I tried to take a scoop 

of the stars to keep it from disappearing 

But it melted

I tried 

Finding stillness

Like the giant boulders 

Immovable

Stoic. Does the stone

Ever talk back?

I tried to find 

Silence

Peeling the

Bark layer 

By layer

Meaningless work

Does any of it have meaning?

I could only ever see her 

Slightly caressing the 

Top of the lake 

as if whispering songs

Only they understood

She pushed me towards 

Home. I couldnt resist 

It was a soft slow push 

A rhythmic swing set push

I came in search of something

I keep paddling against the current

Was this a metaphor for my life?

The oars just dragged on 

No resistance

What was i resisting?

We leave pieces of ourselves behind 

Will there be any left 

When i find home

Lagrimas de miel 

Palabras de oro

I cant seem to return home

Teach me the resistance of revolutions

Not the resistance to change 

I return to LA 

Feeling defeated 

Not arriving on the

Iridescent stallion 

Like the dream

But with a shipping 

Container full of 

Failed love and new pains

Enmeshed with new truths and 

Deep friendships

And a past life 

Slowly receding 

into a vague memory

Like childhood

I will have to deconstruct 

That too

The ugly truth

Read the Smoke Breather 

They said

Their intuition was right

Remember your roots 

Let the disdain 

Evaporate 

Remember how you rowed her

Into the middle 

Of that lake 

So she could taste 

the infinitesimal one 

last time and dream the dream that 

Never was 

The water splashing 

gently like hymns 

To pagan gods

Gather

Offer

Give 

Repeat

The days are long 

The weeks are short 

Time died here

Only dreams were allowed to roam

Free, formless, amorphous

Dematerializing 

And rematerializing 

Between boundless limits and

Timeless space

The rotting flesh 

Just another phase

In the continuum 

Of perpetual motion

Like spore print dust

This dream will seize 

To exist, but only in the

Deep fissures 

On maps unfinished

I sprouted wings

And spoke in tongues 

Unbeknownst to us. I danced

Atop the rock 

The director shouts

“Show us your heart”

So i drag a knife 

Across my chest 

and bury a piece 

of myself 

Here

To return only in 

Spirit, dream or

Death

01 - light fixture study. material: birch bark, wheat paste

02 - amanita muscaria 

03  - morning  spider webs and dew drops

04 - altar study. material: birch bark, wheat paste

05 - chair narration series. material: wire, tree debris, leaf

06- altar study. material: birch bark, wheat paste

07- sacrificial mushroom  for spore prints

08- spore prints. material: spores, scrap paper

09- metsa altar. material: found stones

10- dance performance for film. photo credit: Rasma Pušpure